Rodriguez
by Agent Orange
Summary: There is no greater love than that between a man and his sumo wrestling beetle. Complete.
1. Chapter 1:The Entrepreneur

Rodriguez

Because I can't leave well enough alone….

Author's Notes: This takes place during episode 11, Gamblers and Gallantry. We know Gallant's story. This is Goofus's.

**Chapter One:  
The Entrepreneur**

This is stupid.

That was the first opinion Mugen formed as he watched a large group of drunken idiots scream their heads off at a pair of seemingly disgruntled insects. But then, he realized. It's all relative, ain't it?

Mugen reviewed the possible livelihoods he had encountered out on the road since Bossy McBossington insisted they all get jobs. Waiting tables. Bossy tended to advocate that one, seeing as she used to do it and all. Which in itself made a good argument for the notion that anyone, in fact, could wait tables. But that required him to take orders from too many fronts, and he's made it perfectly clear how he feels about that. So, no. He can't wait tables.

Sell things. The obvious problem would be what to sell? He didn't own anything to sell. So he would have to go out and get stuff just to sell it to other people, which seemed like an awful lot of work. And he was pretty sure that went against his personal philosophy anyway. That was a new thing since embarking on this trip. He was finding he had philosophies. He never really thought about that sort of thing before. But next thing he knew, people were running up against all sorts of deep, embedded rules that he had for himself without ever realizing it. One of those rules, he discovered just then, was whatever I finds, I keeps.

So selling things was out.

Street performing…meh. He also had a personal philosophy against doing things that were stupid and dumb, which that was. Unless the performance involved irritating Fuu, in which case, it ceased to be both stupid and dumb. Then it became awesome.

But Fuu was not interested in being irritated for fun and profit. She was all in Serious Mode, which Mugen hated. For a young kid, she really thought an awful lot of herself. What right did she have making them go out and get jobs anyway? She acted like they owed her or something. Owed her. Bitch, please. If anything, she would be in debt to them until she was a wrinkled old prune of a woman too gross to boss anyone around. In fact, if he ever wrote a book about this whole journey, he would call it Bitch, Please.

Now that would make a lot of cash. All he had to do was figure out how to write. And read. So authoring a best selling novel was clearly off the list of possible sources of income.

Considering all of that, looking at two beetles fight each other to the death stopped seeming stupid and suddenly looked like the lesser of all evils. At least it was the beetle doing most of the work. He just had to sit there and collect money, assuming his beetle kicked ass. Which it would. Because it was Mugen's. And he wasn't going to stand for no pussy beetles. And so it was decided that he would become a prized bug trainer.

But first, Mugen thought, a little research. He milled around the crowd, waiting for some drunken idiot to leave his cash unattended, or to get extra loose with his pockets. It was easy enough to snag a coin or two.

"You placin' a bet?" he was asked, by what must have been the beetle bookie. Mugen wondered what twists and turns your life had to take before you were a beetle bookie.

"Hell yeah. Which one's the favorite?"

"The black one."

"Don't be a wise ass," Mugen said. "You're runnin' books on this shit, you gotta have odds."

"The one on the left. That beetle belongs to Takami of the Iroh Dynasty. That beetle comes from a long line of honorable fighters. Good blood."

"Do they even have blood?"

The bookie shrugged. "I'm making this shit up, man. They're two beetles. Pick one. Most people are favoring the left today. I dunno why."

Mugen thought about it for a second and decided that if the left one was the favorite, then he would go for the right one. He was certain this was because of a philosophy of some kind, but didn't feel like trying to figure out which one it was.

Mugen elbowed his way up to the very front of the crowd and settled in for some good action. The bell rang and the beetles were off. Neither one seemed particularly interested in fighting at first. They just sort of ambled around the "ring," not caring about their opponent one way or the other. "He's scoping out the competition," a man next to Mugen said. "It's a glorious, violent ballet."

Mugen was about to dismiss this as nonsense, but then he thought he saw a glint in the right beetle's eye. It was the eye of a warrior. He picked a winner, he knew it. "Come on Beetle on the Right!" he yelled. "Kick its ass!"

The beetles continued to amble about until one of them crashed into the other quite accidentally. It was then that they seemed to notice the other's existence and the "fight" began in earnest. Left Beetle shoved Right Beetle casually, as if nudging an abandoned cart out of the way at the local market. "Break his knees!" Mugen encouraged his own beetle. "End his career!"

In fact, all of the shouting and carrying on seemed in sharp contrast to the actual conflict taking place, which was modest at best. Neither bug seemed too invested in the outcome, as if they knew the worst that could happen was that one of them would just have to go around a different way. The cosmic insignificance of the struggle did not dampen anyone's fun, however. As far as they were concerned, the outcome of the match might determine the fate of the universe. Or at least, cover the bar tab, which sometimes felt to be about the same thing. "Come on, you can do it!" Mugen screamed, practically frothing at the mouth. "Just a little…. FUCK!"

And so it was that Mugen's first venture into the world of beetle sumo ended with him distinctly in the red. This was, of course, the pitfall of a start up enterprise. You gotta spend money to make money, he thought, deciding that this was another philosophy of his. Starting now.

"Yo, is that your beetle?" Mugen ran to catch up with the trainer as he left the bar.

"No, I just like to carry him around."

Mugen did not appreciate the sarcasm surrounding this sport. It seemed to him that when dealing with people who fought beetles for a living, one should not take anything for granted. "He sucks, you know."

"Yeah, I know."

"Can I have him?"

"You just said he sucks."

"Yeah, now," Mugen explained. "Wait'll I get my hands on him. I can turn him into a champ."

"He's a beetle, dude."

"Well that's the difference between you and me. You see a beetle. I see a killing machine."

"You're a weird guy," the trainer observed.

"You fight beetles," Mugen pointed out. "Shut up."

The trainer conceded the point. "Touché. What will you give me for him?"

Mugen considered what he could afford financially with his limited budget. When he took into account the Return on Investment and the amount of fights he could orchestrate in their time here in Edo, he decided that, "If you give him to me, I will not punch you in the mouth."

The trainer regarded him cockeyed for a moment, and then said, "No deal."

_Whomp._


	2. Chapter 2: Hearts Affire

**Chapter 2:  
Hearts Afire**

Mugen hoped he would be the first one back for the day. He didn't feel like explaining their new acquisition to anyone just yet. Fuu would yell at him and Jin would just look at him in that way that he does when he just doesn't know what to say. Jin wasn't exactly a Chatty Cathy but even so, Mugen always got the impression that he occasionally just struck that kid dumb. He enjoyed it and felt a bit sheepish about it at the same time. Had he previously been around people whose esteem he held in even the slightest regard, he would have recognized this emotion as "self-consciousness." But the sensation was unfamiliar, so he chalked it up to some bad eel and ignored it.

Besides. He had a beetle to train. He knew finding a sparring partner for his new acquisition would be impossible. Impossible in that it would require effort on his part, and he had already clocked in more than the usual amount. He would have to find a replacement. But how do you exercise a beetle? He was so lost in thought that he didn't even notice he had tripped until he was about half way to the ground. Alarmed at this development, he gracefully held his investment over his head so not to squash him, all the while twisting his body around to get a good look at what dared to interrupt his walking. He soon found himself at eye-level with a mangy little dog.

"Hey! Watch where you're going!" an old lady yelled from down the road. She was lumbering towards him, waving her cane around as if she was planning to deliver swift justice. Light on the "swift."

Mugen took another look at the pathetic creature before him. "Lady, that dog ain't worth watchin'." He shrugged and stood up, finished with this whole exchange.

The woman harrumphed her dissatisfaction with young men as an institution, and she and the dog stalked off towards town. It was only then Mugen realized the dog had three legs. And, it seemed, he was pulling a small cart of oranges. Heh. Inspiration strikes in the damndest places.

Beetle on the Right didn't complain much when Mugen flipped him on his back and tied a string around his middle. He didn't even mind the stone attached to it. It wasn't until he righted himself and tried to move that he seemed to take offense. He scurried off to the end of his tether and found he couldn't move forward. His little legs scratched frantically on the wood floor for a moment before he gave up and flopped down in defeat. He gave Mugen a sort of dirty look, like, "What the hell are you trying to pull, man?"

"Don't be a pussy," Mugen replied. "It ain't that big. See?" he lifted the rock, and by proxy the beetle, up into the air. "It's not even a pound. You can do it."

He set the beetle back down and gave him a little nudge. The beetle responded with an aggressive hissing sound. "I hate you," it said.

"Fine," Mugen rolled his eyes and picked up a smaller rock. "You need a name," he decided as he tied the latest equipment on to his charge. "I should call you Fuu 'cause you're such a little bitch." He plopped the beetle back down on the floor and pictured that conversation in his head. "What did you name him?" Fuu would ask.

"Oh, I named him Fuu cause he's such a little…"

He wouldn't even get to finish the sentence before things would go badly for him. Fuu was a dumb name for a beetle anyway. He needed something intimidating. Something scary. He tried to think back to the craziest guy he had ever met. That was quite a toss up, but one guy immediately entered his mind. He was at a sort of back alley sumo match in Kanagawa once. There was this guy who was definitely not from around there. He wore this crazy ass mask and yelled and spit a lot, and when people asked him what his problem was, he'd scream, "Yo soy luchodore!" That seemed to freak people out, considering no one knew what a luchodore was, or what soy had to do with it. He won that match, as Mugen recalled. And then he was asked to leave the premises since he was making everybody really uncomfortable. His name was Rodriguez.

"Beetle on the Right," Mugen declared, lifting the little guy on the palm of his hand so that he may address him in the eye. This seemed like official business somehow. "I dub you, Rodriguez. The Beetleodore! Or…whatever." Rodriguez seemed unmoved by the proceedings. Mugen shrugged and set him back down on the floor, where he immediately began towing his rock. Mugen smiled, approving. Rodriguez was gonna kick ass and take names. And none of the other beetles would have a cooler name than Rodriguez.

"Hi, there, I'm back," Fuu sing-songed as she walked through the door. Mugen braced himself for the inevitable. "I won't like the answer but…what are you doing?"


	3. Chapter 3: Battle Without Honor

Chapter 3:  
Battle Without Honor or Humanity 

"OW! That really hurt!"

Mugen rose from his sleep to the delightful sound of Fuu whining about something or other. "What!" he snapped, stretching. "What's the matter with you?"

"He bit me!"

Mugen took a quick glance around the room and saw that the only other inhabitant was the bug. It seemed Jin never came home last night. "Rodriguez?"

"Who the hell is Rodriguez!" Fuu asked, scrambling to get on a stool in case the thing struck again. Fuu only had to catch a hint of Mugen's satisfied grin before she caught on. "You named the beetle Rodriguez?" she asked, still disbelieving.

"Yeah, isn't it awesome?"

"No, it is not awesome. I was feeding Momo and he was looking at me like he hadn't eaten in weeks, like, have you fed him at all? So I tried to give him some of Momo's food and he bit me. I was trying to help him, the jerk!"

"Really?" Mugen said, excited. He dove back onto the floor to get a better look at his ward. Rodriguez was hissing, clearly agitated. "We're gonna win," Mugen said, his eyes narrowing with bloodlust. "We're gonna win!"

Mugen took off for the bar, Fuu and Rodriguez in tow. Fuu had the day off from waitressing. "How do you have a day off? You just started."

Fuu absently kicked a pebble with her toe. "Over staffed, I guess." In truth, she had been knocked into a very expensive vase half way into her shift, which caused her to accidentally flick wasabi into the eyeball of a very affluent customer, who in turned jumped in surprise and knocked a cup of sake into a tea candle, which then flared up and…well, she was asked not to come back. So, day off. Not that this is how she would want to spend a vacation. "Explain to me how this works again?"

"One beetle has to shove the other out of the ring. It ain't that tough, Fuu."

"I know, I just feel like there has to be more to it than that. I mean, how can this be a thing? Who came up with this? And why are you people encouraging him?"

"You'll see," Mugen promised. "We're gonna make some dough tonight, and then you'll be all, "I love beetles. Beetles are sooooooo cute. I'm going to get my own and name it something gay and it will live in my kimono because I'm Fuu and I'm lame like that and I smell."

"Funny. That doesn't sound like something I would say."

"Well, you should. The first step is admitting you have a problem."

Fuu shrieked and took a swing at him, but she was laughing underneath her ire. It was hard to ever truly be angry at a person so utterly ridiculous.

The scene at the bar was unruly, something Fuu was used to seeing. Mugen weaved through the crowds until he found the bookie from yesterday. "I want to enter a beetle into a fight," he declared, displaying Rodriguez proudly for all to see. The "taa-daa" was unspoken, but still just as audible.

The bookie checked him over briefly and shrugged. "All right. You'll fight the winner of this next fight. You'll be Beetle on the Right."

"Rod--" Mugen spoke up to correct him, but Fuu elbowed him in the side, shaking her head. Maintain some dignity, please, her face said. Mugen huffed and jammed Rodriguez back in his pocket as the two of them went to stake out the competition.

Fuu still could not believe that this existed. It just seemed so ludicrous to her. And this was something, because her threshold for what was considered ludicrous was beginning to become quite skewed. When it gets to the point that an ordinary day may or may not include harboring a gay Dutchman who beat you in an eel eating contest from the army, "ludicrous " takes on a whole new significance. But this still struck her as exceedingly dumb. And boring.

Mugen was taking this down time to further coach Rodriguez on the art of war. "See how that one is leading with his left side?" Mugen whispered to him conspiratorially. "That's how you can take him out."

"He can't understand you," Fuu pointed out.

"He can too," Mugen said, still focused intently on the fight.

"They don't have higher brain function," Fuu said. "He's just a collection of moving parts, encased in an exo-skeleton. All he knows is eat, screw, die."

"My kind of guy," Mugen said, and then mumbled to his new confidant. "That one guy's got a little dent in his shell. Go for there."

"They don't know enough to go for dents in the other guy's shell!" Fuu shouted, exasperated. "He doesn't know anything! Stop talking to him like the two of you are BFF!" Fuu realized to her horror that she was jealous of a beetle. This was truly a new low.

"Yeah?" Mugen said, enjoying this. "Why don't you say that to his face?" He turned around so that Fuu could get a good look at the assortment of beady eyes and dripping mandibles that made up Rodriguez's "face."

"Fine, I will!" Fuu screamed. "You are a loser, Rodriguez! You hear me? You are an ugly little jerk of a beetle that is destined to suck at life, just like your trainer!"

Mugen made a buzzing sound and suddenly thrust Rodriguez toward her, which caused her to shriek in surprise and hide behind the nearest passer by. She blushed when she realized it was not Rodriguez that was exacting vengeance but Mugen messing with her. "Cute," she remarked as she attempted to casually reveal herself from behind her human shield.

"As a damn button."

"Yo!" the bookie cried out from behind them. "You're on!"

Mugen practically kicked his heels together in delight. He plopped Rodriguez down on the ring, uttered a few expletives to the opposing bug trainer, and the match began. There was no meandering about the ring this time. The Left Beetle was revved up from his previous victory and wasted no time in throwing Rodriguez off balance. He teetered over to one side, and it occurred to the beetle that the whole fight was going to be over before it even began. As he rocked precariously on the line between victory and defeat, he began to have flashes of his former life. He saw himself as a larvae. He remembered breaking out of his shell into the harsh sunlight of Edo. He remembered being scooped up by a local bartender and being forced to fight his first battle. That was Tuesday. Beetles don't live very long. But short as his life was, it was still his. And he ain't goin' out like that!

As if motivated by some long-forgotten primal force, Rodriguez got to his feet. The other beetle dealt him a mighty blow, but Rodriguez didn't flinch. His opponent stumbled backwards in surprise. How can this be? the beetle thought. No one has ever withstood the Iron Claw! It is as if…no, it can't be. Can he be The One?

Rodriguez faced his enemy, suddenly feeling invincible. He thought about the other beetles that have fallen by his opponent's hand. He thought about Mugen, his wise and powerful sensei. He thought about his mama, who was squashed by the wheel of a fruit cart before he was even born. Or at least, he assumed the crusty smear on the pavement when he awoke from his larvae state was his mama. It could have been a tar stain. He didn't know. He thought about the fact that he hadn't yet been laid. He realized this battle wasn't just for him anymore. It was bigger than that. It was for the little beetles that looked up to him and the grasshoppers. For the crickets and the praying mantis. It was for you and for me. Hell. It was for JAPAN! Let's fight! Let's win! AAAAAAARGH!

Rodriguez charged his opponent with unimaginable force. The other beetle barely knew what hit him. He struck again and again, harder and faster. "Stop the fight!" he heard a voice cry. Women and children were fainting in the audience, grown men began to look queasy. He reached back for a final deathblow and then…it was over. The crowd went stone silent. The mighty Beetle on the Left had fallen. And with it, the despair of a nation. Then slowly, one person began to clap. One man among the crowd stood up to applaud the brutal carnage before him. One person, and then another. And another. Until the air was thick with the sound of people rejoicing. "Long live Rodriguez!" they all cried. "Truly, he must have had an excellent trainer. Let us shower him with money and all the virgins his poor eyes can stand!"

That was how Mugen interpreted the events, at any rate.

To Fuu, the two beetles walked around each other for about 30 seconds, and then Rodriguez most unceremoniously tipped the other bug over. And that was it.

"I can't believe it," she said, looking at the bug intently. She hoped to see a glimmer of whatever it was her friend saw in this thing. But it was just a bug. A really, gross and disgusting bug. She shuddered and stepped back, only to be mowed over by an ecstatic Mugen. "Did you see that!" he shouted, practically straddling her. "He wiped the floor with that bastard! Cold hard cash, baby!" he exclaimed, waving a large coin in front of her.

Fuu brightened at that. She immediately sat up and swiped at it, but Mugen was too quick. "Not so fast there, Grabby. I earned this."

"Any money we make is supposed to go to the group," she pointed out.

"Then apologize to Rodriguez." He reached over and swiped his little warrior from the ring, brandishing it at her as if she was expected to kiss it.

"I will do no such thing."

"Hey, if you can't be a team player then you don't get team money."

Fuu rolled her eyes. "Fine. Rodriguez, I am terribly sorry I underestimated you. I hope one day we can be friends."

Rodriguez whirred his wings around in the insect equivalent of a shrug. "Heh," Mugen chuckled, rising to his feet. "You just apologized to a beetle. What a loser."

Fuu turned an alarming shade of violet, composed herself, and then picked herself up off the floor. This was her life. These are the things that happen to her now. How utterly, thoroughly, completely…depressing. "Hey! Wait up!"


	4. Chapter 4: Of Bros and Hos

**Chapter 4:  
Of Bros and Hos**

Mugen expected the money to last him approximately seven minutes. He knew that with his habits and Fuu's bottomless pit of a stomach, there was no hope for anything more. The idea of trying to save it in case of emergencies was moot, as their entire life was one ongoing emergency. What he did not expect was for Jin to barge into the room looking like 6 different kinds of ass and demanding the money to purchase a woman.

That was just nutty. But there it was, happening. "What the hell, Jin?" was Mugen's response.

But Jin didn't say anything to defend himself. He just took two very deliberate steps forward and looked Mugen square in the eye. "Please," he said at last. It was not his voice that was desperate. The please might have been a request to pass the salt, as far as his tone was concerned. It was his eyes. This was no mere booty call. Mugen felt a lurch in his stomach he could not quite identify. He sighed a deep, guttural sigh, and handed him the coin.

"Mugen!" Fuu yelped, but Jin was already out the door. "How could you do that?" she said, stomping her foot.

"Sometimes a dude's just gotta get laid," he said, perhaps a little too casually. Fuu glared at him and turned away. Mugen knew he just assured himself a long night.

Rodriguez seemed a bit perturbed by the proceedings as well. He had been finding some dark corner to keep to himself in, but tonight he wanted attention for some reason. He was scrambling all over Mugen's legs and stomach, buzzing around his ears, clicking his legs on the floor. Mugen tied his training rock to him in attempt to wear him out, but it didn't seem to slow him down any. He rested the beetle on his stomach and watched as it attempted to crawl up his bended thigh. He wasn't sure how long he sat that way, just watching the beetle struggling to scale his kneecap, before Jin came home.

"What's the deal?" Mugen asked him as he slunk by.

Jin froze for a second, cursing the fact that any of them were awake. "No deal," he said, gingerly taking a seat against the wall.

"There's a deal," said Mugen. "You don't come home lookin' like that and borrowing money for whores unless there's a deal. Unless my impressions of you so far have been way the fuck off, and they usually ain't."

"It's complicated," Jin said, looking at the floor. He clearly did not want to discuss this further, but Mugen didn't care.

"Why didn't you fight back?"

Jin made a soft, gentle sound that might pass for a chuckle. "How are you so sure I didn't?"

"You were just the right amount of screwed," Mugen explained. "If they were really good enough to kick your ass, you'd be half dead. You let them win. How come?"

"It's hard to explain," Jin said, lifting his gaze ever so slightly to meet his traveling companion's. For a second it seemed he actually wanted to explain himself to someone, somewhere, if only he could. "Had I fought…I…it would have been rude."

Mugen raised an eyebrow. "So…you got beat up to be polite?"

Jin thought about that for a second. "In a way."

"Well, damn. If that's polite then I'm one genteel motherfucker."

"Good night," Jin said, not unkindly. He gazed over at the rising sun. "Or morning, I suppose."

"Whatever." Mugen watched as the beetle struggled again to climb up his pant leg. He scurried half way up before the rock got the better of him, and he began to slide backwards. "None of that," Mugen muttered, giving the beetle a little nudge. The creature's legs sank deeper into his flesh but he didn't mind. "When someone pushes you, you push back, you here?" he said softly. He glanced over at Jin and sighed, the beetle gently rising up and down as he did so. "Being polite won't get you shit in this world."


	5. Chapter 5: If You Love Something

**Chapter 5:  
If You Love Something…**

"You JERK!" Mugen heard Fuu cry from the porch. Jin had just taken off rather dramatically. It seemed she was not taking it well.

"You awake?" Fuu demanded, storming back into the room.

"No," Mugen said, his eyes closed.

"You heard that?"

"No."

"Yes, you did. The correct response if you hadn't heard that would have been 'Heard what?' But since you know exactly what, you said 'no,' which gives you away."

"What the hell are you talking about?" he moaned, slapping his palm to his forehead in frustration.

"How could you let him go?" she cried, dropping to the floor in an equally bombastic gesture. It was amazing there was ever any scenery left to chew when these two really had at it.

"How could _I_ let him go?" Mugen shot to a sitting position, sending Rodriguez sailing across the room. "You're the one getting all mushy over the whole thing. Why should I have to stop him?"

"Because you're sworn to kill him!" Fuu cried. "Just like he swore to protect me! And now he's just breaking promises all over the place and you're just going to stand there and take it like….like…..like a bitch!" she said, with almost a hint of triumph.

"Like a what?" Mugen asked, not sure whether to be enraged or to bust out laughing.

"You heard me."

"You have lost your damn mind," he said, standing up. He was suddenly feeling very claustrophobic. There was an intense amount of bullshit swirling about him and he felt the need to walk it off. "Jin can take care of himself." He turned and attempted to walk out the door but Fuu scooted in front of him, folding her arms defiantly. Her entire body, from her hair down to her toes, was locked in. None shall pass, she said without speaking.

Mugen raised an eyebrow at the entire display, to which she replied, "You saw him last night."

And there it was. That damn lurch in his stomach. Mugen didn't always understand the whole code of the warrior thing, at least not as rigidly and as absolutely as Jin. But he knew what it was to be a warrior. And he knew the look of someone who had one singular goal, and what it looked like when that goal was not his own survival. Something was going on with him. Was it a chick? Who knows? But he did know, suddenly and with absolute certainty, that there was no way in hell he was going to let one of the baddest cats he had ever known go down on account of being polite.

Fuu and Mugen took off sprinting down the street, and Mugen was taken with Fuu's sudden ability to keep pace. "Where are we going?" he called out to her, when he realized he didn't know.

"The brothel!" Fuu called over her shoulder, and then screeched to a halt. Mugen slammed into her, but she didn't even care to scold him for it. "Right?"

"I dunno. I guess."

"I think so," Fuu said with more certainty. "It has to be."

"They would have taken his swords. They do that."

"So you've heard."

"No, I mean like they do that. When I go there to bang chicks."

Fuu rolled her eyes, but that was all the response she had time for. "We gotta go get them then. I don't know how good he is with his hands."

Mugen grinned. "I think at least one broad would say…"

"Shut up."

"…he's very good with…"

"Seriously, I hate you."

"…his hands." Mugen stood smirking in the street for a moment, pleased he was able to smash that particular lob right out of the park.

"You finished?" Fuu asked.

"All set."

"Then let's go."

When they got there, it was clear that someone had already called shenanigans on the whole operation. There were signs of a ruckus, and the distinct buzz of gossip and controversy hanging in the air. "He wears glasses. Isn't that so adorable?"

"I heard he was some count who won her in a bet to see who could catch the most flies with chopsticks."

"I think he might be an ex-lover. A childhood sweetheart maybe."

"**WHERE DO YOU KEEP THE SWORDS?**" Fuu shrieked like an Amazon warrior. Everyone froze to stare at this tiny girl, looking desperate and crazed, suddenly standing the in doorway. She was breathing heavily, her face flushed, the veins in her neck throbbing. A tall lanky kid stood behind her, looking almost apologetic.

"How's it hanging, ladies?" he asked, waving.

The ladies looked at one another, not sure what to think. "I…did you leave one here?" one of them hazarded.

"WHERE ARE THEY?" Fuu repeated, somehow louder than before. "If you don't tell me, I'll tear this place apart myself!"

No one had the slightest bit of trouble believing that. "Over there!" one of the girls spoke up. "In a box behind the sake glasses."

Fuu leapt over the bar and began rummaging through the wares. There were enough weapons to outfit a small army, but she knew Jin would only want her to take what was his. Not that she knew what to do with any of this stuff anyway. She grabbed his katanas and made a break for the door.

"So…" Mugen said to the small gaggle of women that had gathered to watch this spectacle. "You here often?"

"Mugen, let's GO!" Fuu cried, jabbing him in the back of the head with one of the hilts as she passed. If there was anything Mugen liked more than sex it was violence, so he had little trouble following.

As they approached the scene, Mugen was a bit let down with Jin's assailants. Jin was more than holding his own without the swords. With them, and with Mugen's assistance, it would be a very short battle indeed. It all didn't seem worth it. "I got out of bed for this?"

Mugen watched as the ronin took off with the girl, The Girl, the lady of the hour. Funny, she seemed kind of ordinary to Mugen. "She's _kind_ of pretty," Fuu agreed when the dust settled. The implication was that she wasn't terribly prettier than Fuu. "Do you think they'll get married or something?"

Mugen shrugged. "Dunno. Prob'ly shouldn't stick around here, though."

Fuu sighed. "You're right. Let's go back."

xxxxxxxxx

Somewhere on the bank of the river, a lone warrior lets the one person he could have loved drift away. She floats to safety, to ruin, to salvation, to the unknown. And he remains. He would wait without waiting, his body ever wandering while his heart stood still. They stare at each other as she leaves him, wondering if this is the last look they will ever share or the first of many.

And somewhere down at the inn, a pirate contemplates the beetle sitting in his hand. He shoves his palm upwards and the beetle takes off, buzzing as it awkwardly lumbers through the sky. He stands watching the empty space where it once was for a long time, thinking about many things at once and yet nothing at all. And then suddenly, in the very same space, stands Jin. He stands as stiffly as a startled doe, as if he is not sure if it is safe to approach. "Hey," Mugen says.

And Jin knows that everything is fine. "Hey," he replies. They shrug and turn back to the inn. There is a philosophy in all of this mess, Mugen knows. He just isn't sure what it is.

The End

Hey, no musical credits! So I have nothing to say here! Nice to see some of the old crew still lurking about, and hiya to the "new" guys. I'm way too old to be doing this shit, that's for sure. Hope you liked it, thanks for reading, oh and…..

Agent Orange out.

Suck it, Seacrest.


End file.
